What Am I leaving When I'm Done Here?

I dreamed I was missing

You were so scared

But no one would listen

'Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming

I woke with this fear

What am I leaving

When I'm done here?

So if you're asking me

I want you to know

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

And don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid

I've taken my beating

I've shared what I made

I'm strong on the surface

Not all the way through

I've never been perfect

But neither have you

So if you're asking me

I want you to know

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside

You've learned to hide so well

Pretending someone else can come

And save me from myself

I can't be who you are

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

Don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest, leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside

You've learned to hide so well

Pretending someone else can come

And save me from myself

I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are

-Leave Out All The Rest

Linkin' Park

This song was released in 2007. I remember feeling a deep impact from this song the first time I heard it. And for years, I've been meaning to write a blog about it.

They say that change is the only thing constant in this world. I half agree. I think that change and death are the only things constant in this world. Think about it. It's true.

I love life. I'm in love with living. Life is beautiful. Being alive is magical! But believing so didn't stop me from thinking about our mortality. How short life can be and how unexpected death really is.

The thought that we can die anytime, any day, without warning, without knowing that it would be our last day on earth, is always present in my mind.


I take YOLO as a warning. I read it somewhere and realized that I believed that too. You Only Live Once. Right. And while people make use of this infamous phrase to do stupid things, I am a part of the minority that takes this seriously and rather, do things that will help me leave an impact to the people I care about. After I'm gone.


Raised to be independent, knowing my priorities, what I want, and doing the things I want to as well as those that make me happy, I followed the path where I can smile, laugh, and be happy. I love that I'm a happy virus - to me and to the people around me as well.


I make people happy. How many times have I heard people tell me this? I didn't count but it doesn't mean that I wasn't elated by that. I love it. I love knowing that I have such positive impact on people.


And so, when I'm done here, I'd love to be remembered for my smiles, my laughter.


You can cry.

It's natural.

But I would love it more if you can smile after...

laugh even as you remember our happy times together and the silly things I do to make you laugh. :)



Xerlyn
February 29, 2016

Apo Reef Beachineering 2016: Day 3 (FINAL)

The second morning in the island is as pleasant as the first. Only, this time, we're preparing to pack our things and leave all these beauty behind.


The first thing I did was wash up. I didn't get to catch the sunrise for I stayed up until past 1 in the morning. The air was dead and it was so humid that sleeping inside the tent became too impossible for me.


I laid down to sleep at around 9:30 pm. Got a little but the heat and mosquitoes suffocated me and drove me out of the tent. The next morning, I learnt that they lit and flew sky lanterns while I was busy catching sleep. Sad.


So back to my story. Dada and Camille went back to the tent and told me what fun event I missed. This time, they're sleeping and I'm going out of the tent. Couldn't stand the heat anymore. I sat on the swing facing the sea and was shortly joined by the rest of the group who are still up, enjoying the night.

Talks. Exchange of stories. Music. Laughter. It was fun. :)

The night deepens and still the humidity wouldn't let up. When the group finally broke, I took my place by the beach once again, enjoying the cool sand on my back and the stars entertaining my eyes.

Thoughts of sleeping in the open occurred. I tried. But every time I fell asleep for a few seconds, I would jolt awake. I can't. I'm too guarded to do that. With heavy eyes and head, I walked back to the tent and tried to sleep.

All that drama done, I still went out to welcome the new day! :)

Our bags packed and boarded on the boat, we pose for the camera as a group. Here are the people I spent this wonderful weekend and shared this awesome experience with. :)

The sun was nothing less then brutal! But hey, we're still smiling. :)

Before leaving the island, we swim some more. :)

Trained navigator. Standing firm like that while the boat is running, he guided us all to our destination. Kewl!

2 and a half hours after, we are, once more, in Sablayan Port. There we washed up (finally not salty water this time), changed clothes, and really got ready to head back home. But before that, we drove back to the local market and filled our stomachs with lunch.

The hanging bridge which can be easily seen from our seat in one of the karinderyas.

Now we're definitely heading home. Inside the van, I saw this and couldn't let the chance pass to take a photo of this cute Polphin. Mehehehe

Can't recall the time we left Sablayan and headed to Abra de Ilog but it's almost dark when we get there. Again, we hunted for food. While waiting for the others to gather around the van, I was exchanging stories with my fellow travelers. Here are the things I learned:

1. I really do relate to older people. It's way easier for me to converse with them, share their humor, and even their likes and dislikes.

2. I found out that they too, crave for veggies while we were served only meat on the island and found so little veggie dishes in the 2 ports.

3. They too, sleep early and wake up early.

On this trip, I learned that I really am as content and happy on my own as I can be with the company of people. While in the island, I think I talked less. I actually missed talking. Hehe. But I'm fine. I'm okay. I welcomed the silence that came from me and I enjoy the noise from laughter and excited voices from my fellow travelers.

This trip, definitely, is one of my faves! :D

Apo Reef Beachineering 2016: Day 1

So what happened in Apo Reef?

I fell in love. <3

January 16, 2016

Day 1

On regular Saturday mornings, I would get up from bed at around 10 am, cook sinangag with lots of garlic in it, watch movies/videos or read books, and eat while at it.

This Saturday is no ordinary Saturday for I am aboard a van, waiting for the ferry that will take us to Abra de Ilog Port in Occidental Mindoro.

It was past 5 am when we finally moved towards the ferry. Loved the chance to stretch my then numbing legs and behind. Into the ferry we went and, a little past 6 am, we set sail.

I love ferry rides. Love the warm sun and the cool breeze hitting my skin at the same time. Lovely!

And I love this. The trail the boat leaves behind as we sail onward.

2 hour and half past and we reached Abra de Ilog Port.

Time check, it's 9:30 and we still have 3 hours on the road before reaching Sablayan Port where we will board the boat that will take us to Apo Reef National Park (additional 3 hours).

Now, back to Abra de Ilog. Back again in the van, my head is spinning from the hours of travel and the way our driver drives. It's like a never ending roller coaster ride. 2 and a half hours of that and we, thankfully to all the good and holy, reached Sablayan Port. It's past 12 noon and everybody is starving.

From the port, we went back to the local market where we found the line of karinderyas and had our lunch there. Beside us is the view you see below. The reason why I took this photo is because the manner in which they board these tricycles amazed me. You know why? It's because people also sit on top of the side car, outside the side car on the back, and on the roof of the motor itself on which the driver sits. Extreme! Unfortunately, I didn't get to take proof shots of that, but yeah. It's extreme! 

And this photo below, I took when I went to use their public comfort room. To keep the place clean, they ask people to leave their footwear outside then use the ones provided for them. Pretty neat. :)

All of that done, we now drove back to the port, jumped on the boat, and once again, sit still and wait until we reach our destination. Honestly, my whole body is super tired by this time. The endless sea of Blue of cool breeze helped.

At half past 4 pm, we finally caught sight of the island. Woot! Here is out boat driver, skillfully navigating the boat.

Since the island is home to lots and lots of coral reefs, we couldn't anchor anywhere near the island than this. We were asked to alight and walk or swim the remaining distance to the island. Boatmen will take care of unloading our bags and getting it dry and safe to the shore.

I didn't swim or walk to the island though. I waited for the mini boat and boarded it. I'm not yet dressed for swimming, so I allowed myself some VIP treatment. Hehe.

And here we are! :)

The island is beautiful. White sand, Blue water, clear sky, and cool, salty sea breeze. I took plenty of lungful of air. It's truly wonderful to be alive. :)

Because I left my tent at home, I don't have anything to pitch. So while everyone was pitching their tents, I went walking along the shoreline, exploring the island alone. Here are the things I've seen on my solemn walk.

If you think this is an ordinary bamboo washed ashore, then you're mistaken

Looking closer, I discovered that this shy crab is taking refuge in it. Kewl!

These rocks are formed really prettily by the waves.

They're so pretty.

And so I selfie. :)

Now here is the infamous Apo Reef Lighthouse, standing tall and proud. I didn't climb up for I know it's part of our itinerary to visit it and have photos taken. I let those people be. Hehe.

While walking, I was singing Kolohe Kai's Lighthouse. If you know the song, cheers to you! :)

A little past the Lighthouse, I saw these dead corals. They're the mini version of what I showed you on the second part of this adventure. (Yup! 2nd part precedes the 1st part because I'm a weirdo like that.)

I thought of going inside that narrow opening but fear quickly climbed up my chest, thinking there could be snake or scorpions dwelling in those rocks. If you know me, you know how paranoid I can really be.

Got really excited to see shelled creatures alive. In most beaches, I see their shells littering the shore. But in Apo Reef, I see the shells intact in living bodies. Truly awesome!

It was almost totally dark if not for the whiteness of the sand that allows some illumination. I made my way back to camp and to my group. I learned that I’ll be sharing a tent with Camille and Dada, and I couldn’t thank them enough for taking me in. After realizing that I left my tent at home, I expected to have a place to rent a tent for 2 nights. Turns out, there’s none. I don’t have a hammock or a sleeping bag either, so it’s truly kind of them to share their tent with a stranger like me. Thank you!

If I believe in Reincarnation, I would say that I lived as a sea creature in my past life. The water is always too irresistible for me. And so, even with the day finally making way to night, I made my way to the sea.


Only, I didn't get to enjoy my most anticipated swim. The waves are big, fast, and strong and there are those little creatures that bite exposed flesh. Not five minutes into the water (when I usually last hours), I went out nursing bitten skin from unknown attackers. Huhuhu. Why are you so mean to me?


I quickly washed up and had dinner with others shortly after. The food was superb!


Later that night, with the cold, fine sand on my back, I was staring at the canopy of stars. Breathing in the sea air, I closed my eyes and felt greatly thankful for all the things beautiful.



Part 2 here. :)

Apo Reef Beachineering 2016: Day 2

January 17, 2016

Day 2

As what's usual for me, I woke up early the following day. And yes, gotta catch that sunrise! :)

Here it is! It sort of looks like a sunset but it's beautiful nonetheless. Good morning from a far off island of Occidental Mindoro, Philippines!

Here's another one.

My travel buddy. :)

There are 2 types of sand in the island. One is that fine white sand you saw on my footprints in the sand photo and the second one is this. Both feels great on the sole. ;)

I tried to do the Panorama thing on my camera and this is what I came up with. I don't think I know how to do it right. :P

Here is the other side of the island (opposite the lighthouse). 

Again after this little wandering, I came back to the camp and had a delicious breakfast of sopas. I forgot to say that our dinner from the past night is also great! And the lunch that follows this breakfast, and the dinner after, and the breakfast on our last day in the island as well. Yum!

What came next is a new magical experience for me. Although I've gone snorkeling to various seas before, what set this experience from the rest is that I have an underwater camera with me! Hoorah! It's the first and I'm soooo giddy to try and take pictures and show my family the wonderful things I see under the sea! Haha!

So, here are the photos. They're not much but, hey, I had a lot of fun! :D (I actually have a video. Will try to post that here too.)

For snorkeling, we anchored at around 20 ft deep. I got a little seasick but I didn't allow myself to go with the others who went back to the island to rest. I couldn't allow that. I have to see the tour through and so, I swallowed the dizziness and stayed in the boat.

Lunch done, Sir Ronie (the event organizer) announced that we are now set for the next leg of our adventure. That is, getting off the boat, holding on to the ropes attached on the sides, and getting dragged along. Yup! Dragged! With goggles on and a firm grip on the rope, we marveled at the beauty of the life under the sea.

I love it. It's a new experience for me and it's one that I will always remember with a smile. :)

A few notes about this fun adventure: 

1. I don't have the breathing apparatus usually attached to snorkeling masks, so I had to lift my head up every 10 seconds or less.

2. We saw lots of different species of fish and corals of different colors and sizes as well.

3. We also saw a diver and her instructor down there! Fun!

4. One time, we passed an area of the sea where the corals are all white and dead. It's sad. Really.

5. The time was too short. I think it didn't even last 15 minutes which is a bummer! I would've loved it to go on and on. Haha!

Just couldn't let the chance pass to take this photo on the nose of the boat while we are anchored and have the South China Sea as my background. :)

Not long after that, we headed back to the island and to the camp. While the others enjoy their siesta time, I went here to read the book I carried for the trip: James Patterson's Cat and Mouse.

It's so pleasant to the senses. <3

Lying on my back on one of the benches, here's what I'm staring at: canopy of leafy greens. <3

On my side is the ocean and sand and cool sea breeze. Lovely!

A little past 4pm, everyone gathered up once again to explore the island. We went to the "rock formation" which was actually giant dead corals.

After that, we headed to the Lagoon on the other side and on the way to the Lighthouse. 

The island being remote, they use solar panels! I saw that they also do this on the Sablayan Port. Kewl!

On the way to the Lagoon. It's just BEAU.TI.FUL!!

That bamboo bridge is already being renovated, so maybe when you visit, it will all be safest to walk on. ;)

Mangroves! I had to ask a local if there are crocodiles in there, but he laughed and said that it's salt water, making me realize that crocodiles only live in brackish water and wouldn't survive in salt water. Phew!

The Lagoon! It's soo beautiful and so I tried that Panorama setting once more. This time, I'm happy to announce that I did it! Haha!

Chasing sunset, we then ran towards the Lighthouse!

And yes, we did manage to catch the sunset. :) This is our view from up the Lighthouse. Magical!

The island from up above. :)

Had to have this taken. :P

The body of water you see here is the Lagoon from earlier. :)

Here are some of the photos taken by my fellow travelers. :)

Back in the lagoon. Photo taken by Camille with her DSLR. :)

Descending from the Lighthouse. Photo taken by Leah with their GoPro.

Me exploring the giant corals. Photo taken by Nash with his GoPro.

When Chock almost dropped his camera (or was it one of his lenses?) Photo taken by Sir Ronie.

Commotion over, we posed for the camera. :)

I looked like I don't have any articles of clothing here. Hehe. Look at how high from the ground we are!

Last 2 photos taken by Myk.

We stayed in the Lighthouse as long as the light permits. By the time we made it back to camp, it was already dark. During dinner, 3 of our fellow campers shared their ghost story. 

The bathroom was located a little far off from the camp and with limited source of energy, the lighting is a little poor too. That night, I slept without washing up. *sca~~ry!