X's Pensieve: November 2015

I can't recall the first time I learned how overly observant/sensitive I am. Some people even think I've been imagining, seeing things most people don't even know occurred. The lesser the number of people noticing the things I've been noticing, the more I doubt my ability to read people's actions, body language, and their change of mood and aura.

It could just be my imagination or own perception of things, they say. While that could be true, the times when I read things correctly are higher than those that I resorted to believing I imagined it.

This is a gift. To read people actions, their body language, and their change of mood and aura. Often times, I use this to coax the receiver of a bad joke while the sender was busy with everything else except for noticing that s/he'd hurt the feelings of the one s/he's talking to. I like that I can do that. That I can show people that someone can read them, understand their change in mood, and make them feel better by telling them that the sender doesn't mean it, or to tell them to accept that things are simply just the way they are.

This is a curse. By being overly observant and sensitive, I tend to be extra careful and lose myself for a second in the process. I want to be me all the time, but certain people can't handle that and I have to contain myself lest I want to hurt them purposefully. I don't want that. I won't feel good about that.

This is a curse. Feeling someone's negative aura is something I am not entirely thankful for. But then again, this is a gift as well. Feeling someone special to me's negative aura allows me to comfort them when they needed it the most.

October 31, 2015

That date was marked Red and will, for the rest of my existence, be a special date for me. It's because it's that day that I met my favorite Kpop idol, Bang Minsoo of Teen Top. Although it's the second time I laid eyes on him in flesh, this day is extra special because:

1. The meeting was held here in the Philippines.
2. I was able to have a photo taken with him and,
3. I was able to wish him Happy Birthday and tell him I love him

Some might easily regard this as irrelevant, even funny. But for me, and for those who know me, understand me, and support me, this means a lot. :)

I started becoming a fan in the early quarter of the year 2012. 3 years into the fandom, what makes this group tick? And why am I still devoted to them? Yes, that's the term. :)

The first thing I noticed about them is their great talent for dancing. But the thing that made me stay in the fandom and continued supporting them for three years and counting is the six members' brotherhood, humility, and love for their fans.

The brotherhood they have is the same as the brotherhood I share with my 2 brothers. I like that even without sharing the same blood, the six of them can really treat one another like blood brothers. I love that.

I also love that despite the fame (although it's still couldn't be at par with Big Bang's or Super Junior's), Teen Top have gained popularity and a legion of fans of their own. I love that despite touring the world and meeting fans of different nationalities, they remain humble.

They treat people nicely, the people working with and for them. Although the only evidence I am holding onto for this claim are videos of them I watched (which to some people can be really biased), I have faith in them that they're like that even with cameras off.

They love their fans. And their fans love them deeply as well. I love that they would take the time to update their Twitter @TEEN_TOP and even had their own Twitter accounts just to be closer to their fans. I love it. I love it.

I also love how their fans love them. This is, their Korean fans. The efforts they do just to support Teen Top. It's one huge proof of Teen Top's great relationship with their fans. I simply love it.

And now we're down to the topic where I will tell you what is it I find really special in this fandom. Well, I can say that this is the thing with other fandoms as well but since I couldn't speak for them, I'll be sharing my own experience instead.

For 3 years of being an Angel, I met a lot of people. Talked to a lot of people. People of different nationalities, people from different walks of life, people of different personalities, people of different thoughts. But even so, we were able to form bonds, call each other friends, and be there for each other when "spazzing time" comes. :)

Most of these people, I met online. Through Twitter and Tumblr. And, as rare a happening as it is, some of them I even get to meet and befriend in person. Who would think I can be friends with an American girl with Indonesian and German blood in her? Malaysians, Singaporeans, Thai Landers, and even fellow Filipinos who live in different cities and far away provinces like Davao and Iligan? I will not skip to mention Filipinos living in other parts of the world too!

No, I wouldn't have met them if not for Kpop. I wouldn't have learned that I am capable of befriending different types of people if not for Teen Top.

This is the 5/7 people wearing our bias' shirts. :)